Wednesday, February 28, 2007


Well, we are back after a week without internet. Our previous internetprovider (HetNet) tried again to get us back, without our knowledge or consent.
After months of trouble and incompetent handling of our internet problems (twice a month without connection) last year, we went to an other internetprovider (XS4ALL) in July 2006. They do well, but HetNet has tried yet twice to "hop" us back to them, leaving us without connection.
Hope all trouble is over now .

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

bittersweet memories

Spend the last week scanning photos. I was working on Pandora's photo album, but there were too few digital photos on my computer. And my father gave me his old scanner on my birthday, it may be an old one in his eyes, it is much better as my own scanner.

Rewrote Pandora's page, so now there is a virtual monument for Pandora too on the website. She was a red smooth Chow Chow, Chimay's great-granddam.
Bittersweet memories...

Saw my psychiatrist yesterday, we should have been there last thursday, but the weather was so bad, we decided not to travel that day.
The Remeron does a good job, I am less depressed, but still very easy out of balance. So now Effexor is added, it will take a while to find the right mix that makes me less depressed AND more balanced...

Monday, February 5, 2007

another year added to my age

Last Saturday was my birthday, now I am 44. I did not think I would ever reach that age. In my mind life after 40 has always been a kind of twilight, unreal, maybe even undesired.

I passed that milestone in 2003.

The new pills (Remeron) make me less depressed, but make me nervous (or don't push the nerves away like the Paxil did). The phobia acts up, taking the Chows out for a walk feels as worse as examen anxiety. Frank accompanies me as much as possible at our walks.

Back to my birthday, Franks father was feeling better. His last visit was in november and he was looking so fragile! I was releaved to see him back as healty and strong as you can expect from a 79 year old.

My parents, well that was a total different story. The last years passed in apparent peace. Not due to their learning, but I didn't allow them to get to me. But with phobia acting up, turmoil in my mind, my defence is failing. And that leaves a big mess, called my family.